Lately, I have been waking up with an uncertainty about my own safety – one that I haven’t felt since the first time I heard the phrase “Run, la migra”. I was only seven years old, and I thought “la migra” was some predatory animal I should have been afraid of. Eventually, I learned it was my own government.

I would be lying if I said that I am not afraid. I am afraid. Hispanic families may have cousins, uncles, and grandparents that have never had the opportunity to qualify for a work permit, and what is happening has an impact on each family like mine.

The service at my church this Sunday overflowed with families who gathered to pray for the people who have been taken by Homeland Security, as well as those who – let’s face it – are going to be taken in the coming months.  

President Trump stated that only people with criminal history are going to be deported, yet Pomona Home Depot has been experiencing random raids by ICE with these illegal actions.

Many in congress, like the U.S. Senator Dick Durbin, are not in favor of the way Trump is conducting these raids: choosing locations known for hispanic communities and even targeting those guaranteed safety by birthright citizenship. This action is a blatant violation against human rights, even if those affected are undocumented, but  ‘undocumented’ does not mean ‘criminal.’

According to the procedure of arresting an undocumented person, ICE agents must provide a warrant signed by a judge, and at the time of the arrest must identify the person and show the warrant to the person in question then proceed to read them their Miranda rights.

That fear from my childhood surged again when last week’s ICE raids hit 104 undocumented immigrants in a Colorado nightclub. These are not random, but a calculated push to target hispanic communities where they normally find peace and enjoyment.

It is a plain fact that when ICE shows up in public spaces, people are going to feel threatened, and that response has not been quelled when a random American nightclub can be unceremoniously invaded in the middle of the night. You cannot expect a reasonable person to act calmly and cooperate when the government has clearly shown their best interests are not in mind.

I do not think that these agents had 100+ warrants for the people they arrested that night. Who gave the clearance to detain all the hispanic people? I think we all know who is attempting to wield that power. 

Last week Trump sent a message to undocumented immigrants urging them to take advantage of the opportunity to leave the country voluntarily through a home application called Customs and Border Protection (CBP).

Trump has made his intentions as clear as day, but I think he needs to analyze this decision more seriously. The hispanic community and their culture and labor are indistinguishable from the success of the U.S., but this country that we have poured our blood, sweat, and tears into has been a consistent source of fear and insecurity.

Last weekend, during a Walmart trip with my granddaughter, she asked me why she saw so many agents with guns around us. I couldn’t answer her honestly, instead I opted to tell her the most important thing I could to keep her safe: “If you see anyone here running, you need to start running too.”

My request surprised her. In simple words I told her that if ICE sees people running they are going to be a distraction to many others fleeing, and if ICE catches us we are safe because we are citizens. I told her that this could distract any agents from pursuing an undocumented person.

These new authoritarian laws are as commonplace and regular as our church services. However, much like our daily bread, the fear has become a communal experience that my family has to join in each and every day. 

For thousands of migrants like me, we just keep re-adjusting to endless policies that directly affect the Latino community; policies that don’t address that returning to our homeland is not possible, since I am the second generation of immigrants.  

Another established immigrant, Claudia, spoke to me about this feeling and how it has followed her. Her words give more insight to this assault on liberty, and a look into the daily bread with which she communes.

“Being an immigrant isn’t easy, especially if you spent your entire life in this country, growing up and attending schools from a young age you grow accustomed to the American lifestyle and rules at school and work. But it becomes harder and reality hits in a way that it feels like your feet are glued to the ground, being reminded at a young age that you aren’t from this country, and that you don’t have the same benefits as those that are born here or have been legalized. 

Claudia continues, honing in on the real world consequences that xenophobia has on children growing up in our country.

“As a hispanic woman in this country, you are stereotyped as something you are not; in the eyes of the government we will always be seen as criminals, and that is something parents of immigrant children get fixated on, and that’s where they have to protect their children by reminding them that they’ll never have the same benefits like the rest of them. 

With everything that’s going on right now, traveling doesn’t seem like a safe option, with fear of being detained by ICE the moment you step foot into a new state or city. Being in that loophole makes it harder to hold onto hope that you’ll be acknowledged as a human being, and not an alien, when all you have done is live out the American life.

A kid growing up in this country shouldn’t have to be reminded on a daily basis that they’ll always have to hide and run, just because they weren’t born here.”

We cannot just leave. We have deep roots in this country. Our children were born and grew up here in the U.S. My grandchildren don’t speak Spanish, and the president is trying to move them to a country they’ve never known, for reasons I can’t fathom. My granddaughter is seven, and I pray that she grows up without the fear I had. I will do everything in my power to make her feel safer than I did.