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The Onion/Global Tetrahedron

Graphic shared on The Onion website attached to the CEO's statement.

The Onion bought Infowars

Staff Reporter Nov 21, 2024

Satirical newspaper and media company, The Onion, has officially purchased Infowars at bankruptcy auction, following Alex Jones’ recent court loss to victims of Sandy Hook. Like so much meta commentary of the past twenty years, this entire situation requires some backstory.

Infowars was founded by Alex Jones in 1999, carrying the McCarthyism torch from the ‘Satanic Panic’ through the ‘Obama Birther Movement’, and has had its fingers in nearly every conspiracy theory you’ve heard of in the Western Hemisphere.

Most recently, Infowars and Jones have made the news for losing a lengthy legal battle brought on by the parents of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Conn. As the story of the tragedy first broke, Jones set the internet ablaze with accusations of a “false flag” operation by the U.S. government. 

Jones used his platform on the incredibly successful Infowars program to claim with full-throated confidence that no children had died, and the entire event was created as a distraction by the federal government, as well as an attempt to create more anti-gun legislation. Jones has stated multiple times that he believed the entire tragedy was a hoax, and his viewers responded by aggressively harassing the survivors and grieving parents.

The court case culminated in mid-2024, with the federal bankruptcy judge ordering Jones and Infowars Parent company Free Speech Systems to liquidate their assets, while dismissing every attempt by Jones to file for bankruptcy. The victims of Jones’ tirades won defamation lawsuit judgments amounting to more than $1.4 billion in Connecticut and $49 million in Texas.

Jones’ response after the mid-2024 trial outcome was on-pitch with his normal attitude in the face of his many legal battles. “Of the two bad outcomes, this is the one that’s way better… I have not given up. I’m fighting,” Jones said. Fast forward to Nov. 14, Jones maintains a vapid confidence and rebellion against reality as the announcement of The Onion’s parent company purchasing Infowars at auction.

At 7:50 a.m. last Thursday, Jones took to Twitter confirming the purchase of his old company and accused the leaders of the auction of dishonesty and going behind his back in order to prevent him from winning back Infowars. “They said they’re shutting us down even without a court order…The Connecticut democrats with The Onion newspaper bought us,” he said.

Jones goes on to claim that the bidding rules were changed to allow for the sale, and announced his intention to fight the purchase. “They changed all the bidding rules and made it secret two days ago… I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m gonna be here until they come in here to turn the lights off and say ‘where’s your court order?’”

Bryce P. Tetraeder, a pseudonym that serves as the fictional villainous CEO of Global Tetrahedron, the supposed parent company to The Onion used the satirical website to publish a statement announcing the deal last Thursday.

Tetraeder finished the statement by announcing that all vitamin and supplement sales are ceasing, immediately stating, “All will be revealed in due time. For now, let’s enjoy this win and toast to the continued consolidation of power and capital.”

What has been on brand for Jones, is also on brand for The Onion – albeit with a satirical skew, perhaps as tongue-in-cheek as one could possibly be. While the comedy publication is leaning into its own meta-commentary, Jones seems to have his back to the ropes, pushing his claims of conspiracy ever further while the case progresses.

News broke on Nov. 18 that First American United Companies, the losing bidder and supporter of Alex Jones, has challenged the auction outcome and has requested U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Christopher Lopez to disqualify the bid altogether. Time will tell if the sale is approved.

If so, The Onion will gain ownership of all intellectual property of Infowars, including websites, customer lists and inventory, and certain social media accounts. Regardless of the outcome, Judge Lopez has previously ruled that Jones will remain responsible for the payments engendered, even after Infowars is sold.