The Student Newspaper of Highline College

Denys’s weekly wonders: StarDate 11/30/2023

Denys Matsyk Staff Reporter Nov 30, 2023

In the riveting saga of Cold War cloak-and-dagger antics, there exists a gem of absurdity: Operation Acoustic Kitty. Hold on to your spy hats, folks, as we delve into the meowsterpiece that had intelligence agencies thinking, “What if our top agents had whiskers?”

Imagine this: the CIA, in its infinite wisdom, decides to turn cats into living, breathing surveillance devices. Surgical enhancements included a high-tech microphone in their ears, a radio transmitter in their skulls, and a discreetly fashionable wire antenna through their fur. Move over, James Bond we’ve got secret agents with furballs.

Predictably, training these feline prodigies proved about as successful as herding cats. Who would’ve thought? Independence and covert ops apparently don’t mix. Cats, as it turns out, have a personal agenda that doesn’t align with government directives. Shocking!

But wait, there’s more! The price tag for this epic fail? Drumroll, please… $200 million (in today’s money) of taxpayer dollars were invested in transforming cats into undercover agents. Because why settle for inconspicuous listening devices when you can have a tabby on a mission?

Operation Acoustic Kitty, a triumph of strategic brilliance, or a colossal cat-tastrophe? You decide. In the realm of covert operations, this project is the cat’s pajamas – if the pajamas were made of tin foil and bad decisions. Meow that’s what I call espionage.

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